To: Shirley Mary Alexander
From: Alicia Seah
Date: January 21, 2019
Subject: Self Introduction
Dear Ms Alexander,
I would like to introduce myself to you in this email. I am Alicia
Seah, currently a sophomore at Hospitality Business at Singapore Institute of
Technology (SIT). Before joining SIT, I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic
with a diploma in Applied Chemistry with Pharmaceutical Science.
The reason why I decided to make the jump to a new field is that I
realised that Chemistry was not what I truly want to pursue. Since entering
this course, I have been enjoying myself as I learn more about the hospitality
industry. As I did not have prior experience in the hospitality industry, I
went for industry attachment in Pan Pacific Singapore as a guest service agent.
This internship experience was really valuable as it taught me important skills
such as Opera Property Management System, and it also improved my soft skills
such as communication and interpersonal skills.
One of my strengths in terms of communication is being a good
listener. Though active listening, I am able to better understand what the
other person is trying to say and respond appropriately. This has helped me a
lot during my experience as a guest service agent in Pan Pacific Singapore, as
it helped me to better upsell and handle complaints.
One of my weaknesses in terms of communication is my lack of
confidence. I tend to feel nervous easily when speaking in front of a crowd as
I do not feel confident enough. Therefore, I hope that through Career and
Professional Development II, I would become more confident in public-speaking
through regular presentations during class activities and discussions.
Thank you.
Best regards,
Alicia Seah
Hello Alicia!
ReplyDeleteYour self introduction email is fluent and it provided a detailed reflection of your industry attachment. You described in detail what your strength and weaknesses are in terms of communication and the language use through out the letter makes it clear.
To make your letter more professional, I'd suggest to make minor changes to the spelling of some words. In addition, you could possibly include a paragraph on your hobby or interest to allow the audience to understand you better.
I hope this comment finds you well. Thank you!
Greetings Alicia,
ReplyDeleteYour self introduction email is comprehensive and well written. I personally like the way you categorised each content in a paragraph distinctively. Not only that the language used in this email is simple and consistent throughout the email.
Here are some of my observations and suggestions:
1.Your introduction line can be changed to " I would like to take this opportunity to formally introduce myself".
2. In your second paragraph, "a new field is that I realised that Chemistry was not what I truly want to pursue" can be changed to something that elaborates why hospitality attracted you more or why hospitality made you switch.
3. I noticed some grammatical and spelling errors in paragraph 2 and 3. You might want to focus on this two paragraphs.
Do feel free to changed according to your preference. In overall, great job and great effort.
Hello Alicia!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your self-introduction email and am glad to be given this opportunity to be able to know you better during this class. I agree with Justina that the language used is simple and consistent.
Here are some pointers to take note:
1. Your opening and closing salutations require a comma at the end of the sentence, you can read more about it here! (https://erinwrightwriting.com/punctuate-salutations-emails-letters/)
2. In the third paragraph, you mentioned "This has helped me a lot during my experience as a guest service agent in Pan Pacific Singapore, ..." and I recommend changing it to "This has helped me a lot during my stint in Pan Pacific Singapore", ..." as you have already mentioned it in the previous paragraph.
3. Also in the third paragraph, it should be "Through active listening" and not "Though active listening", you may have missed that small error there.
Otherwise, your email seems fine. Have a great day and I'll see you around in school!
Regards,
Jovin